Time is on my side (finally!) and how do you handle family situations-opinions needed!

Hello quilters!  As I said the other day in my post, I have just completed my bachelor's degree in nursing after starting in the field in 1979.  After getting my associate's degree in 1981, I was in the process of getting my BSN when I became pregnant with my first child in 1988.  I have spent the better part of the last 2 years taking both online and traditional classes.  There is such a weight now lifted off my shoulders!!  On my days off, I actually have nothing to do!!  It's so wonderful.  Now all the projects that I have been hoarding fabric for for the past 2 years can finally be started, and I may not emerge from my sewing room for days!

While I am at it, I would like opinions on a situation I have.  My husband's nephew and his wife are expecting their first child in July.  They were married last september but I was unable to attend the wedding so I have never met the bride (they live in my husband's home town of New Orleans).  I received a baby shower invitation and sent 2 blankets that I embroiderd on my embroidery machine with a large design and the baby's name.  I also started a quilt for the baby.  When I did not hear any response about the gift I sent ( this was about a month ago), I asked her on facebook if she had received the gift.  No response.

I am now very disinclined to complete and give the quilt to this ungrateful and rude neice-in-law.  While I understand that very few people will truly appreciate the value of a quilt I am loathe to spend so much time and money on something that will not be anknowledged and will probably end up in a Goodwill pile.

Am I being oversensitive??  Should I complete the quilt and give it to her anyway?  Should I give the quilt to someone else and just give the neice a store bought something when the baby comes?  Should I just write her off completely??

There is a wedding in October for another neice that all of us are planning to attend so I will be seeing everyone there.  Thanks in advance for your opinions!



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Comment by Janie Lewicki on June 12, 2012 at 7:23am

I gift quilts to people for my own pleasure and satisfaction, as I am sure most quilters do.  It is wonderful when someone shows appreciation for the gift, but I do it for me. That way I am not dissapointed when I get no response or a negative one.  I know in my heart that I did it and they know I did it, if they choose not to show there appreciation then I guess they won't get another one.  If it concerns you, then I would suggest you call and ask if they received the gift, maybe it got lost in the mail and needs to be tracked.  Then if they received the quilt at least you will know.  I agree with others comments...it is definitely a me generation.  I really don't like it, but they are the ones that will lose out, it is important to show appreciation and be considerate of others.  Fretting over it will do no one any good.  Call your nephew.

Comment by Lana Laqua on June 12, 2012 at 1:33am

I agree with Viki, call your nephew, family issues need to be dealt with by the family member.  And it is difficult to fit into families sometimes, I have a MIL that had butted into stuff, and I let her and she can be quite critical and I didn't put my foot down but it did come to a head in the last few years.  I never complaigned to Rob however I didn't want to come between him and his family but I should have.  it hasn't always just been his MIL I've had difficulty with his sister's too, but again I held off many years, putting up with it because I didn't want to come between them, but eventually enough is enough.  However and whatever the issues I don't completely ignore them, which would be rude.  so getting back to topic at hand whatever her issues are talk to your nephew, or his parents.

Comment by Karen Lightman on June 11, 2012 at 6:09am

So true about manners these days. But in my case, ever since I started quilting my nieces are begging for quilts! I'm all too happy to make them one....eventually. I did make one niece a baby quilt and never heard from her so she's off the list. But I like to have a reason to quilt and babies and weddings are perfect. Even though the youth doesn't seem to appreciate the art of quilting I still like to show them what I am all about....which is quilting.

Comment by Kathryn Bates on June 9, 2012 at 10:19pm

I find that my nieces, nephews, and their children seem to  be totally unaware of any responsibility to say thank you.  My response to a lack of a thank you note for a quilt is no more quilts.  I make one for each wedding, and generally, that's where it ends.  They undoubtedly don't know why (or care, probably) - but I do, and it makes me feel better.  Bottom line is, stewing over their bad manners just get you in a twist - doesn't change anything for them.  On the other hand, friends, neighbors, and family members in my generation are delighted, and loudly so, if they get a quilt.  I'd save your current project for one of those sorts, and let the niece by marriage fall off your list.

Comment by rogue quilter Queen of the WIVSP on June 9, 2012 at 3:18pm
definitely keep smiling. dh just wants to pull the plug. i say no. my grandchildren are not going to miss out on this set of gr parents. there have arisen other issues in fam. ..and, who knows, maybe this woman will evolve to another, maybe better, level of asulthood. it is not for me to judge...but i will keep smiling...and i never, will never, recipricate in kind. it does/has taken time, but like stated before, five yrs...getting a smidge better.
Comment by Carol Olson on June 9, 2012 at 2:59pm

I have given up on thankyou's with this generation X they have missed out on learning courtesy, they seem to be into themselves. I do what is best for me I make all family members quilts for their wedding gifts have received thankyou's and have not. But It makes me feel good about making them a handmade gift whether they appreciate it or not,and if they do not want to acknowledge it one day they will wonder why they never got a thank-you for something they gave. So if that is the gift you want to give, give it and keep smiling 

Comment by rogue quilter Queen of the WIVSP on June 9, 2012 at 2:34pm
absolutely not...and i told dh the same thing when i was upset by comments etc fr my dil re things i make for her or my grdaughters.

first though..ck with your nephew, if possible..it is only of late that i can get to chat, email or ph conversation w my son w/o input/rudeness fr dil. hang in there if you have always been close to this nephew...well..they do start to think for themselves again. but ask him about the quilt idea. and, pesonally i would not communicate w her on fb. my dil used chat at her convenience. but she never responded to me if i were the initiater. i deleted her from my contact list..it hurt ..she was obviously online..but would not respond to my notes.it is five yrs now, and my son is finding his own voice again, calls me when he is alone etc. i am not yelled at as much when am visiting them. i have health issues yes..but if i "tote that bail..push that barge" at home, then i can certainly roll & wrestle with my little manicy maniac ones w/o fear or threat of personal bodily harm.

sorry, seems your post has brought the irrational to the fore here. i have encountered this issue of dil or other young women who marry into fam and the issues they incite, here in my local quilt groups.one very nice woman has the issue with her own daugthter. she and the others were all making pillow cases for thier grchildren at xmas. this one commented...but they will prob never get to use them. i was asked why i wasn't making anything this year..said ..i know they won't get to use the pillow cases & i was basically told to stop making dolls etc as "they don't take care of them anyway". i am not allowed to repair, and they are not taught to care for..

basically, we as quilters, crafters etc should realize that not all have the graciousness or goodness in their hearts to accept our offerings with respect. not every one likes handmade. i have cooked, stitched or grown my gifts for friends and family and family friends for my entire adult life, with varying response, tho most positive and appreciative, some response kinda lukewarm..noted..those were not bothered again. but i have never rec'd the type of response as i have from dil. is it a new thing with our techy youth culture? dunno. just know that as quilters we probably ought to "test the waters of acceptance" a bit thru intermediaries that we can trust to keep our probes to themselves before we embark on a labor of love, like your, i am sire beautifully embroidered baby blankets, and have our heart broken and our creative spirit wounded as you have.

my condolences to you..been there ..doing that. hang in there. good luck.
Comment by viki hagan on June 9, 2012 at 10:07am

Why don't you call your nephew and ask him if it was received. Then base your decisions on that conversation. It's unlikely but perhaps the package was lost in the mail and/or perhaps his wife is just truly as clueless as she seems to be..if she was raised in the south though, I'm truly amazed by her bad manners, no southern woman I know would ever be so rude.

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